Friday, May 16, 2008

Midget Suicide Bombers

Yes I know that title is not PC... but I don't care, because recently I've been told that they actually f@#king exist!!!

Last night, I was hanging out with my buddy who just returned to the states from serving in Iraq. Amidst some of his stranger war stories was the fact that in Iraq, some of the captured/failed suicide bombers in American custody are in fact little people. Now, given all the awesome entertainment that little people have given me in my life (especially Warwick Davis and Verne Troyer) far be it from me to make fun of them on a whim. However, I'm afraid that this is one of those situations where comedic mental imagery strongly overrides my sense of equal opportunity. I mean come on!!! If a combat strategy involves someone reaching a key position and causing a devastating explosion, what are our enemies thinking by recruiting anyone with less than near-average inconspicuousness or mobility?
"OK little guy, go wobble over there and kill yourself for Allah."


More - Than - Ever: WTF?!?

I swear to God, I want to see footage of one of these poor little guys getting captured while trying to work; because by the end of my friend's stories, all I could honestly imagine was the character from the comedy bit below.


Sunday, May 4, 2008

I Met a New England Celebrity

Last night, I reconnected with two of the most rockin' young guys I know in all of New England: my homeboys Drew and Fitz. Amidst having the awesome time of catching up at a small Chicopee bar, we all but killed each other with laughter by sharing hilarious stories with diverse and bizarre topics ranging from mockery of larpers to bleeding nipple incidents to video game strategies to debilitating softball mishaps to Spanish road rage to fun Asian lesbians and at one point there was even something about a teddy bear wearing a seatbelt. After all that, several drinks, and a McDonalds run, me and a drunken Drew then went back to his family's place to test our mad skills at Wii Bowling. Upon visiting Drew's familial abode, I had the honor of meeting the Legendary Dirk Connolly. Dirk has won the coveted title of Ugliest Dog in Maine multiple times, and from the picture to the left, which displays his homely and snaggle-toothed glory, you can obviously see why.

Warning: Never try to feed French fries to Dirk while you are drunk.