Attention Kids: Don’t Drink Glass

I use to love thermoses. When you’re a little kid at school, that’s what you got, your lunch box and your trusty thermos. Mom packs them up all nice for you and you always knew the thermos would keep your juice cold and your soup warm, and as a little kid you can only ponder the magic and wonder, “How does it know?” Best of all, both the lunch box and the thermos were always tough as hell, so if you drop them, maybe a little dent or scratch, but no worries. If a bully messes with you, you could always hit them in the face with either the lunch-box or thermos and then run like Hell, and all would be good. Yeah, I use to love thermoses... until recently.

In my apartment we have a seemingly nifty thermos. It is a one-liter “Add-A-Cup” Thermos brand bottle (pictured left). It supposedly keeps warm stuff warm for a full 12 hours and cold stuff cold for twice that. As you can see in the pic, it’s made of that tough-looking red plastic that people are just socially conditioned to perceive as really durable. So yesterday, when my roommate took it to work for the day filled with coffee, but then accidentally dropped it at some point, he thought nothing of it. Later on, he poured himself a nice cup of coffee at work (like he would on any other day); but just then, as he started to sip his coffee, one of his colleagues inquired if it was hot coffee or had ice in it. He told her it was hot, which took her off guard because she could swear she heard ice when he put the thermos down. Obviously, my roommate gave his co-worker the “you’re crazy” look, but just the same, someone picked up and shook the thermos anyway. Sure enough, there was a noise of something that sounded like ice in there, but upon closer inspection was clearly not ice.

Ouch!

Now, in fairness, they do have the word “glass” on the sticker on the bottle (stated once in faded text set no larger than 10 points). However, I don’t know about you, but when I look inside a product known for durability and see a metallic color, my mind doesn’t immediately go, “Hey, that must be glass in there.”

So, the very next day, I called the company to express my concern. I thought that Thermos, practically being a cultural staple in the western world, might be receptive to my complaint and genuinely troubled that many shards of broken glass could be so easily found in the devices they create to hold liquids that go down your throat. I mean, wouldn’t you want the security of mind to know that such a company would entertain the notion of recalling this product before some random eight-year-old dies from ingesting sharp fragments of glass?

Ah, to dream of such a kind world.

Upon calling the corporate headquarters of Thermos (847-439-7821), I surprisingly got a human being on the phone immediately, as opposed to an automated response system. Taken a little off-guard, I hoped this was a good sign and I stayed calm and collected, but also very frank. I immediately told this receptionist that I was calling to complain about a product that could have seriously injured a friend of mine. After I had started to explain the situation, the receptionist started to tell me I was breaking up and she couldn’t hear me well (funny how often that happens whenever I call to complain about something or try to collect on a bill). After a few minutes, I did eventually get my situation across. Unfortunately, in lieu of concern for potential harm to human life, this receptionist was very well versed in the apparent company line. Among other things, she had implied I was being unreasonable and informed me that glass thermoses are quite reliable and have been around for over a hundred years (which is arguably a redundant misnomer because apparently the etymology of “thermos” comes from a word for “glass flask”...but I digress). She also tried to justify the product by stating that I am not likely to find a less expensive beverage container of that type; which made me ask myself, “Does saving a few bucks justify the risk of swallowing broken glass?”

Well anyhow, after several minutes of both of us bumping our heads against opposite sides of the proverbial brick wall, the receptionist stated that the person in charge of risk management for the company had the day off, but I could express my concerns to someone else. She transferred my call, at which point I was disconnected after three rings.

Fantastic… * sigh*

So, remember kids, if you ever drop your Thermos brand thermos and your eyes aren’t naturally drawn to small gray san-serif lettering, always be sure to look for broken glass in your beverage before you drink it.